Stop! Grammar Time...

I know these stupid grammar posts are about as popular as the squishy, nasty cherry tomatoes on a veggie platter (ick!)...but they're SO needed!

Today I've been hammering away at a few technical reports here at work and I'm seeing a theme. (Besides the one that the State is an evil, property-consuming entity, but that's another subject entirely.)

As a whole, some increcibly intelligent, well adjusted, tax paying members of society really don't have a grasp on when to use "that" and when to use "which." On top of the "not knowing" thing, they don't seem able to just pick one use or the other and stick with it consistently througout the document. I'm just sayin'...if you're gonna go, go ugly early, right? If you're going to be wrong, make a statement and stick to it!

That said, I did the research, took the notes and am here to set the record straight. Sort of. I mean, as best I can.

The rule of thumb that was drilled into our elementary-school heads was this:

• "That" is for restrictive clauses.


• "Which" is for nonrestrictive clauses.

Fine and dandy, but what does it mean?

In general, it means a clause that cannot be tossed without affecting your sentence generally needs a "that." Example:

"A cellphone that has internet access is crucial to Harper."

Tossing out "that has internet access" changes the meaning of the sentence and just might make it untrue. Harper needs a cellphone that can connect her to Facebook and Twitter. Because of the landline on her desk, a plain ol' cellphone really isn't all that important.

On the other hand, "which" is used in unrestrictive clauses. Toss 'em out and the sentence still makes perfect sense in its contextual intent. (Did I just make that up? I might have.) See here:

"Harper's bus was late, which usually meant an ass chewing from her Gorgon boss."

Wow. First off, thanks a lot bus. I mean, really...have you seen the creature from the black lagoon that resides in the corner office? Just sayin'.

But here we're talking about the bus being late. The second half of the sentence is interesting and gives us a glimpse into Harper's exciting, Sci-Fi life, but it's not necessarily driving the sentence. The late bus is driving the sentence. (Or the tardy bus driver, as the case may be.)

Remove the "which usually meant..." part, and Harper's bus is still late. Which was the whole point of the sentence.

I know, I know. We haven't even scratched the surface when it comes to being an expert in the grammar arena...but maybe, just maybe, as you pound out the keys and assemble your Magnum Opus, you'll remember to check those "thats" and "whiches" and make sure you've got them on straight.

Happy writing!

h.