As of yesterday, I hit 17 weeks (pregnant...not sober. Or drunk. Or whatever. Just pregnant!).Hooray, right? Yay!
And according to my favorite baby Web site, the little minion is now, officially, the size of a....turnip? Really, guys? That's the best you can do?
Not that this has been the worst one, as a few weeks ago I got a shiny new e-mail telling my the baby was the size kumquat. What the hell is a kumquat, anway? I had no visual to go along with the description and you might as well have told me the baby was the size of a lugnut or a space peanut. Anything other than a kumquat.
So, in honor of my produce spawn, today's Friday Five will be "Five Better Baby Comparisons."
5. Pastries. From a petit-four to a deluxe wedding cake, Mama knows her carbs. Talk to me in sugar and butter and we're speaking the same language.
4. Apple products. Nano through Nebook, Steve Jobs is a great candidate for giving me a visual image of where my baby is at the moment.
3. Books. Now, I understand it would be a weight comparison only (though once we hit the third month we can start using those cute little gift books at the check out counter), tell me how big this alien child is using literature comparisons. Weigh the same as a Dry Cleaner flyer? Are we creeping toward a Julie Garwood novel yet? Will my baby weigh as much as the dreaded War and Peace annotated edition?2. Office products. Oh, how I love office products. "Your baby is approximately the size of a staple. A single staple. " Or, "Holy crap, woman, your baby is now the size of a fax machine! Put down the hotdog!" Efficient, no?
1. Coach bags. Again, I realize I wouldn't get these fantastic e-mails 'til the third month or so, but imagine my delight when I realize the baby is the size of a "Julia" cosmetic case. Or my horror when I'm weeks from delivering an $800 "Holly" carryall behemoth. Again, speak my language, peeps, and I'll follow you anywhere. Even to Labor and Delivery.
The fun part of these posts is the web travel that goes along. Here are this week's players: Gina, Bethanne, Debra, and Moira.
Happy Friday!
5 comments:
What a hysterical post! You put a smile on my face this morning, thanks Harper! :)
(and when I lived in San Diego I had a kumquat tree in the backyard - reminded me of apricots, and I didn't like them at all. We pulled that sucker out and planted grapefruit and lemon trees instead!)
For the record, a kumquat is a little orange fruit about the size of a large date. I like the idea of using baked goods: a danish, a cupcake, a loaf of bread, a French baguette...
Absolutely fabulous Harper! I was rolling. Coach bags and pastries really got me. Of course mine would be handbags or shoes (likely price comparison).
OMG, yes. You really have something here. I would love a pregnancy counter site that let me PICK what kind of comparison I wanted, then gave me a coded button for my BLOG!! :D
Pastries is awesome.
Yes! I have a line in my book, Kissing Trick, about this exact same thing. The hero, an OB, tells the heroine her baby's about the size of a lime.
"You're telling me my kid would fit nicely into a gin and tonic?" she asks.
Fruit! Why is it always fruit (and vegetables)? Even when you're about to give birth, they tell you that your cervix is dilated to the size of a grapefruit!
And the baby's the size of a watermelon!
Thank God. Once the child leaves the womb and is out in the world, we stop comparing them to produce and start comparing them to other babies. :)
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